


of getting lost and getting mugged

by lavender_tea_writes



Series: Parkner Week 2019 [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: FAR too many john mulaney references, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Parkner Week, Parkner Week 2019, parkner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 11:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavender_tea_writes/pseuds/lavender_tea_writes
Summary: “Shit- I’ve got to- uh, I’m so sorry Harley I have to go take care of something, I’ll be back in, like, 20 minutes, ok? Just stay here, I’ll be right back.” And Peter had grabbed his backpack and sprinted around the corner before Harley could even ask where he was going.That was two hours ago.ORPeter leaves Harley alone in the middle of Queens. Harley is pissed.{previously titled "how do you get lost in new york?"}





	of getting lost and getting mugged

**Author's Note:**

> Parkner week day one prompt: identity porn
> 
> This is my first publicly posted fic! Thank you to the lovely starksnack on tumblr for being my beta :)

Harley rubbed his hands together, trying to combat the biting cold attempting to seep into his skin. Being born and raised in Tennessee, where it only snowed a few times a year, he was completely unprepared for the constant mounds of slush produced by the New York winter. 

Only another few blocks until he would reach the comfortable warmth of Stark Tower. At least he hoped. Harley had only been in New York for a week, and most of that time had been spent in the lab with Tony and Peter, working on the Ironman and Spider-Man suits. He hadn’t had much time to explore the city until today, when Peter offered to show him around Queens. Harley had been ecstatic to explore Peter’s neighborhood with him. Peter was adorable when he stuck his tongue out while focusing on a calculation and when his hair stuck up every which way after a long day of running his hands through it in the lab, but Harley wanted to see what Peter was like outside of the supervision of their mentor, when he was relaxed and having fun. Harley didn’t even need to think about it before he agreed to go out with Peter. 

The morning went pretty well. Peter wanted to stop at his apartment so he could change- he had unexpectedly slept in his room at the tower the night before and was wearing yesterday’s clothes- and they set off for Delmar’s. Shortly after Peter ordered what he called the best sandwiches in Queens, he received a notification that caused his cold-kissed cheeks to pale. 

“Shit- I’ve got to- uh, I’m so sorry Harley I have to go take care of something, I’ll be back in, like, 20 minutes, ok? Just stay here, I’ll be right back.” And Peter had grabbed his backpack and sprinted around the corner before Harley could even ask where he was going. 

That was two hours ago. 

After an hour of sitting still on the freezing bench, Harley said fuck it, and decided to try to retrace his steps and get himself back to the tower. Another hour later and he was hopelessly lost. 

“How do you get lost in New York? It’s a grid system, motherfucker!” Harley mumbled to himself, “Is this alleyway familiar because I passed it with Peter or because I’ve passed it four times in the last twenty minutes?” He decided to take the chance that he had passed it with Peter and slipped into the dark space. There was a rainbow sticker on a trash can Harley was pretty sure that Peter had commented on. Maybe. 

Harley shuffled through the alley until something creaked behind the trashcan in front of him. 

“Hello?” Harley’s voice wavered. 

A short man with matted dark hair jumped out at him, “Give me all your money!” Harley screamed in response, and backed away from the man. The mugger grabbed onto Harley’s arm and pressed a knife to his throat. 

“I don’t have anything, no one carries cash anymore, dipshit!” Harley scoffed, trying to appear calm despite the fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins. He kneed the mugger in the balls, and when he doubled over, scrambled away. 

The injured man thrust the knife at Harley, barely missing his thick winter coat. 

“Hey, excuse me, mister mugger, sir? I don’t think he likes that.”

Both Harley and the mugger’s eyes shot up to the source of the voice, only to find someone in a red and blue spandex suit that was all too familiar to Harley.

“Spider-Man,” Harley sighed as the vigilante swooped down and kicked the stunned mugger in the face. He spit some blood out of his mouth and scampered off, fear flooding his eyes. 

“Well that was easier than expected,” Spider-Man sighed as he watched the man stumble down the alleyway. He turned back to Harley, “Are you alright Ha- uhh, my dude?”

Harley gulped, “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for helping out, I don’t really know how to deal with muggers.”

“Left your silver money clip at home?” Spider-Man asked, his voice light and joking.

“Nah, it’s out gettin’ engraved right now,” Harley laughed, “J.J. Bittenbinder would be so disappointed in me.”

Spider-Man snorted and his head fell back in laughter. Harley found it pretty cute. “Well if you don’t need anything else then I’ve got to go-”

“Wait, uhh,” Harley bit his lip, “I’m a friend of Tony Stark’s, I helped him work on your suit recently. We were working on your AI, is it workin’ right yet?”

“She was fine for a while after I turned her on, but now she’s still talking in the bad Australian accent,” Spider-Man groaned, “She’s said crikey, like eight times in the past hour. It’s ridiculous. Here, wanna listen?” Before Harley could even respond, Spider-Man had changed the AI’s settings to speak out loud instead of just in his ear, “Karen, what’s the weather like right now?”

“Crikey, it’s cold, a whopping -12 degrees celsius. Might want to help this freshie get home.” Karen replied, her voice heavily accented. Harley laughed, “Oh my god, that’s ridiculous. Her Australian accent is thicker than my southern one!”

Spider-Man laughed and tilted his head, “Not as cute though.”

Harley blushed, “Thanks, Spider-Man. You should pop into the lab to work with me sometime, it’d be fun. I’m sure Tony will let you in if you ask.”

“Maybe, if I can ever get a day off it’s like criminals have no respect for my personal life.” 

Harley coughs out a laugh, “They just need to learn who’s boss, darlin’. I don’t suppose you could give me directions to Stark Tower? I can’t count the streets, apparently. New York is a bit more confusing than John Mulaney makes it out to be.”

Spider-Man smiled, and rattled off directions before launching a web onto the roof of the building next to them. “See you later, Harley.” And he launched himself onto the building. 

“See you later, Spider-Man,” Harley said to himself. He didn’t need to get caught up with Peter Parker, who would leave him alone in the city without a way to get home. Now he had Spider-Man. Harley set off in the direction the masked hero had lead him.

Two blocks later, Harley heard someone calling his name behind him. He turned around to see Peter, his face red and out of breath. 

“Oh my god, thank _ goodness _ I found you. Where’d you go, I asked you to stay by Delmar’s.”

“I left after about an hour of sitting on a cold-ass bench. What the hell Peter, you said you would only be 20 minutes!”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry. I had to go, uh, take care of something-”

“Take care of what? No wait, let me guess,” Harley demanded, crossing his arms, “An emergency AcaDec meeting?”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck with his blue-tinged fingers, “Something like that…”

“Bullshit,” Harley huffed, “You keep your secrets, Peter Parker, but I’m not going to be happy about it. Now let’s get back to the tower before your fingers fall off.”

Peter sighed, and followed Harley down the crowded sidewalk.

***

The lab had been silent since the two boys had gotten back from their failed outing. And when Harley Keener was silent, that meant he was _ pissed _.

Peter slapped the screwdriver he was using down onto the workbench. He couldn’t bear the tension anymore, it was too much, “Harley can I-“

“Nope,” the older boy cut him off, “I don’t want to hear your made up excuses. You left me alone in the middle of a city I don’t know, and if you’re not going to tell me what the fuck was so important that you had to drop everything, then just shut up about it.”

Peter clenched his teeth, “I received a notification that there was a robbery in progress around the corner. I went to go take care of it.”

Harley scoffed, “Take care of it? Who do you think you are, Parker, Spider-Man?”

Peter stated flatly into Harley’s eyes, “Yes.”

Harley’s eyes widened in surprise, and his jaw dropped. Sure, Harley had noticed that Peter knew more about Spider-Man than anyone else, including Tony, but Harley had assumed he was just a huge fan. He thought back to his interaction with the masked hero earlier that day, after getting mugged. Spider-Man has called him Harley, but he had no recollection of mentioning his name. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I got caught up at the robbery, because apparently the guy had a gun and I had to talk him down-“

“A gun?” Harley interjected, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I had to take a bit longer to make sure no one got hurt, then I got caught up with the police and had to give my statement and stuff and it was all very messy. Point is, by the time I got back to Delmar’s, you were gone, so I had to swing all over the city to try and find you.” 

“And you found me by following your intuition and deducing that I would try to retrace our steps, right?”

“No, Harley, I was about to give up and hope you had made it back to the tower when I heard you scream like a little girl.” Peter smirked.

“Hey, I do not sound like a little girl! I think I have a very manly scream, thank you very much.”

“Sure Harls, whatever helps you sleep at night.” Peter turned back to his work, chuckling to himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and Kudos feed my hungry soul and keep me motivated to write for the rest of Parkner Week!


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